Forgiveness-A Step Towards Self-Love

Forgiveness can be one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself as well as others. It can be a hard task that you might be thinking you'd rather not deal with or acknowledge but when you can truly forgive yourself, the gift is tremendous.

To forgive yourself is to open your heart and allow yourself the time and space to give yourself unconditional love and approval. How often during your day are you in a negative conversation of self-doubt? When in your life do you tell yourself, you will be happy when you've reached a certain goal, lost the weight, gotten on an exercise program, and you will take that vacation once you've gotten that promotion or recognition from the job or do you simply give up before you start?

Forgiveness is allowing you to shed those negative thoughts and behaviors where you can make room for more bliss, joy and happiness. It's not about beating yourself up in moments when something goes wrong, but about giving yourself the unconditional love and approval you always deserve no matter what the outside circumstance is.

How often do you;

Deny your needs?
Blame others or yourself?
Resent someone or yourself?
Felt betrayed?
Felt rejected?
Have you ever said "why me?"?
Have you ever suffered from an illness?
Are you still waiting to hear someone you love say, "I'm sorry"?
When do you feel self-pity or self-doubt?
Do you ever feel afraid, lonely, enraged or worthless?

If you can say "yes" to any of the statements above, it's time to forgive. Forgiveness is a process that can be a piece of cake for some or an extremely fearful idea. There is a process for forgiveness that I will briefly explain which I hope helps clarify this act. The first stage of forgiveness is denial. Stage two is anger and stage three is acceptance. Forgiveness allows you to accept what is but giving you the courage to let go of the pain and negative forces that keep you from being true and loving towards yourself.

When you are forgiving yourself or others, you are willing to see yourself as human and to embrace that moment as you see yourself and others as a gift in the world. Forgiveness doesn't mean you approve of the person's behaviors or actions but an opportunity to set yourself fre of a negative connection you have with that person or yourself. It will give you more opportunity to move forward and beyond the past that keeps you stuck and safe. Forgiveness is only for you. It's a beautiful and generous gift you are giving to yourself.

I like to write letters to the person I am forgiving. I don't send the letters. I just keep them in my journals. I give myself a lot of space where it is quite and undisturbed. I light candles and sometimes put on some soft music to help me relax. I just start to write and I just let it come out as natually as it will. I don't hold anything back and I let it all out. If the tears start to flow, let them. This is a way that you are releasing those emotions that you have bottled so tightly inside of yourself. I usually start my letters like this, "I (your name), am willing to forgive (name of person, or thing). I have thing because I don't limit my forgiveness to just people, I have forgiven illness or something that keeps me stuck.

When you decide to forgive, remember to be kind and gentle to yourself during the process. This can bring up feelings that had been buried deep within your soul. Remember that forgiveness is a gift you are giving yourself. I also like to have a support friend on hand if needed. Be willing to ask for the type of support you need. You can let the friend know what you are doing and ask them to be a witness or just available for a phone call afterwards. Maybe you want to make it into a ceremony where they can take part in or just a shoulder to cry on. It's up to your how you go about your forgiveness.

I am also a trained Professional Creative Empowerment Coach you can call for private coaching if you are faced with challenges and need support. I offer different coaching book groups several times during the year based on popular self-help to help focus on a particular topic. You can find more information on my website at, www.coachingyouforward.com. I offer a free 1/2 hour coaching session if you want to explore the idea and see how coaching can also be a gift you give yourself.

In Joy and Forgiveness
Wendee Neilson
Coaching You Forward
Discover, Embrace, Empower and Create...YOU!